I’m the first to admit that I am not the most stylish guy, nor do I read GQ (unlike someone else that works here). However, I feel compelled to call out these 10 fashion mistakes that are so blatantly obvious, that even I can spot them. Unless you want to be a real douche, it’s important to know what not to wear at a club in Montreal.
It’s not sunny at night. Montreal nightclubs are not like those in Miami. The fact you can’t see anything with sunglasses on in the dark makes you look like a tool, not cool. If your friend wears sunglasses to the club, I will personally make him take them off or ask him all night where his seeing-eye dog is.
#8 Jeans with Flaps over the Pockets
7. Unlit Cigars
I’ve seen this a few times. What’s worse is keeping one dangling in your mouth for the night. You can’t smoke anywhere inside in Montreal and you’re not on the cover of Cigar Aficionado. If you want a cigar, go to a cigar lounge.
6. Anything with a Huge Designer Logo on It
Do they pay you to wear that or are you proud of what you found on the sale rack at TJ Max? Gear with big designer logos are beyond lame and reserved for Russian gangsters and Mexican cleaning ladies.
5. Suit and Tie
This often comes as a shock to some people, but in Montreal, a suit is a sign that you’re overdressed. The dress code in Montreal is much more relaxed. If everyone in your group is sporting suits, it’ll look like you came from your local hockey banquet. If you’re a big guy like me, you’ll get hounded every two minutes as to the location of the bathroom.
Unless you just came from Martha’s Vineyard, do not wear khakis. Our clients from New England, the land that fashion forgot, are most guilty of this. Jeans are allowed and actually preferred everywhere in Montreal. Don’t look like you work at Best Buy.
3. Bedazzled Shirts
My grandmother also collects Swarovski crystals. This could be the ultimate sign of a douche. Luckily, this trend seems to be dying. Having anything sparkly or shiny on a t-shirt is a criminal offense. You are not cool and you do not fight in an octagon. If you dare wear this out, we will make you turn it inside out, or wear a sweater over it, like a slutty 16 year old girl sent to the principle’s office.
2. Fedoras or Any “Stylish” Hats
1. Bachelor Party Shirts/Outfits
If you are going to any half decent night club in Montreal, getting a large group of guys is no easy feat. Clubs want to see Large groups of guys as much as they want to see a fire inspector. Don’t make matters worse by wearing those horrible bachelor party shirts that your girlfriend made you. If you want to wear your shirt with “Ice Man”, “The Legend”, or any other unoriginal nicknames on the back, wear them to a bar during the day, not out to the club.